My mind tank E-1

The world  is  a  complex  place  filled  with  pain and joy or everyone says so. But I don't think so. Who am I? I am Maria Venters, a twenty something girl. And yes, I am not telling you my exact age.

According to me there is your inner conscience. I do not believe in miracles but I hope they happen someday. I do not believe in love but I desire for it. I do not believe in being nice but I feel happy when I help someone.

Does this make me weird? I hope it does because I pride in myself for being called weird, where is fun in being normal.

   I look around me and see people going on about difficult and painful things not bothered with the good around. I, I try to be optimistic. I am not a dreamer but I love imagining myself in an impossible scenarios. Sometimes

I put world to test, to see how much of which I imagine or read is true.

Test entry 1:

My first trail was on my friend, Emily Bennett. I wanted to see if she was the loyal, chirpy and ready to sacrifice girl friend to me. This is how it went.

"I haven't studied a bit for Math test. What about you?" I said completely truthful. I was a last minute worker.

"Relax El, neither have I. We still have three days, it's a long time. We are having a night out , right?" She confirmed not meeting my eyes.

Lying to someone's face is an acquired skill, which I guess I have developed but Emily might have felt guilty lying to me.

Everyone knew she was a math genius but never once she offered to help me or asked me if I wanted help. I am with too much of an ego or let’s say I am not the kind to force someone to do something they didn't want. The

Pain never came that she lied or the fake joy that we both are on the same page and didn't study. But the inner conscience did tell me that how Emily was not a good friend , how she lied to my face and wasn't the book

Described best friend.

Naturally three days letter she got an A on her test while I had a B-. It didn't bother me but when she turned and gave me Botox smile of sympathy and said, "Next time I am sure you will do better." My inner conscience

wanted to kick her but my outer version smiled back and nodded like I believed her.

One day I asked her, "Will you sacrifice myself like Ron and Hermione very ready to do for Harry?" A weird question, yeah, but that's just me.

"Of course. We are friends forever." She said with so much conviction that even I believed for a second.

And the very next day, she 'forgot' to tell me that it was last date to enter for Programming internship. Naturally I would have missed the deadline had it not been for my god send teacher who filled out the form for me.

So much for friendship.

Test 1 #moral I do not understand the word friend in real world since it is potrayed so nicely in movies and books. When did friends and deception became relatives?

Test entry 2:

It was done on my boyfriend of six months, Aaron Wakefield. We started college together and I was in love. Or I thought so. Kissing like world goes blurry and knees go week, well doesn't happen in that exaggerated way.

But yeah for most part it was good. I texted him, he texted back. We went on dates, watched movies.We were diferent, he was a music major and I was pursuing a Computer Science degree, we were art and technology

combined. It would have gone fine If I hadn't had the putting the world to test disease. Or blame the perfect romance books and movies.

I did the test in only way I could imagine , a bit cliché.

"Aaron, so what do you think should I make a 3D game for minor project or an online library?" I asked having no reason to make him choose, I had my opinion ready.

"Whatever gives you joy love." He said turning to me and replying as if he listened and understood what I said.

My inner voice told me not to pained because he would be failing my test or not to be overjoyed since I fill have my freedom again.

I hate texting.

 But he gave a response so I was happy. I heard every word he said about his instruments, his tunes, his songs, his lyrics and even heard him play slow boring tunes that could make a dead sleep.

So I just wanted his attention in return on the things I like. I tried talking about my work, he pretended to listen. I tried talking about Avengers, he nodded and smiled. I changed the topic and tried talking about Sci-fi movies, which boy doesn't have interest in Mission Impossible, Aaron didn't. He started making excuses or changes the topic after a while.

Opposite attracts...please! That is just magnets, people need a mutual liking for something to start the talk and more to keep talking. I realised I cannot survive with a boy who liked Notebook more than Iron Man!

Test 2 #moral You do not love someone perfect, someone who loves you will find you perfect for whoever you are...

Oh, I have more test subject and results...but I will not shatter any dreams and thinking. because humans are followers , we follow traditions and someone breaking that is an outcast. Go out, have friends, live life, fall in love...but there is this ugly truth. In the end what left to share the evening tea with you is you and your inner conscience and hell yeah, it talks.