Wings of Desire Ch-4

Helplessly trapped,

Subduing the rage.

Desire and Passion,

Just can’t burn away.

XANDER

You know the feelings when insides boil and every muscle inside you is clenched tightly. Breathing becomes difficult and you want to destroy everything in your vision, including yourself. To crush a piece of glass, for the sake of destroying things and also hurting yourself to make you come to your senses. To break you from the snare of anger.

I felt that way, right now.

Evan, this good for nothing boy was testing my patience. His behaviour was an invitation to break my resolve to stay hidden, to stay in control. I have manipulated his mind before to say away from her and go for another girl meant for him.

I was chided for my interference and behaviour and even threatened to be transferred to another position. But I promised that will never happen again. I was not too sure now. With time the manipulation washed away, well it took six months but the boy was up to his dirty tricks again.

He looked at her with pure lust. His eyes followed her every moment and rested too long on her pink lips for my comfort. He was the piece of glass I wanted to crush. He gave her a smile to lure her in but she remained unaffected. Her emotions were a mess; she was struggling at what to say to his questions and declaration of so called love.

The only thing that kept me calm and stopped me from blasting him off to hell was her feelings. She didn’t love him, she wanted to be alone and away. Intimacy with people scared her.

I followed her like a shadow, scanning multiple emotions building inside. Guardian Angels are not allowed to follow their humans too closely or interfere with their lives. But I had my own set of rules, when it came to her. I always had.

I had been her Guardian Angels since she was thirteen and her father died. I was just her protector then, but with time she was not only my human to protect, she became my muse. She became my reason of existence, she became the girl I desired and couldn’t have.

I felt a fated connection to her. I was an Angel, I was bound to her now, forever and yet I couldn’t touch her or even talk to her. I was invisible to her. She was my life and she was my pain.

The day went by and she tried her best to ignore Evan. I was content with this, for now.

I noticed her barely eating anything at lunch and keeping up the fake smile. While her friends laughed and talked, she scribbled something in her blue diary, her version of fantasy world. I never touched it but I had an idea what was in there. She lightly flinched someone came near her and I had the sudden desire to shield her with my arms and wrap my wings around her.

“Don’t even think about it Alexander.” My sister Alicia said.

She was also a guardian angel not yet assigned. Few people in present world deserved one and she was still jobless.

“You know you could get me job but you obsess over a girl all day. One you can’t even have brother. Do not push your luck. I know everyone fears you but you can’t go around breaking rules.” My sister warned me.

“I don’t want lectures from you Alicia. I am elder not you.” I replied frustrated with her for stating the obvious.

She stuck out her tongue at me. I had to smile.

“Alicia, she is my cure. She is the only one that keeping the pain from destroying me and burden to drown me. She is my source of feelings. Not many angels get that, chance to feel. They just take orders like hard-wired soldiers.” I explained the reason for my obsession for the girl.

She and I was destiny.

“If she is so important and you are so connected with her, why stay invisible?” My sister asked, giving me her typical arched eye-brow.

“Because, like you said I have already been a brat, I could not break the rules.” I said sounding deathly depressed even to myself.

My sister observed her and then turned to me with a look of approval, “You do know that while you whine here, she will be suited by other men and one of them will win her heart.”

I glared at her; she was making it difficult to reason with myself to stay invisible.

“And my dear brother, rules are meant to be broken. Since when do someone like you give a damn?” She gave me a mischievous smile with a hidden meaning.

Perplexed at her personality split I asked her, “You say I should make myself visible and pursue her?”

“I am saying there will be a time you will have to stop being a brat, there will be a time to take on the responsibility and stop breaking rules. But for now my brother, remember stories are written about those who do something different from the usual.” Now she grinned and vanished.

So it was not my fault or my lack of resolve but younger sister’s idea and how could a good elder brother ignore it.

I decided to make acquaintance with My Human, finally.